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“When you disappear into the ether without any indication why, all I can do is come up with a million and a half reasons why you’re not into me,” Carter writes.“I’m not a god damned mind reader.” The fade “is cowardly and at its root, dishonest.” If only the uninterested party would clarify its position in an explicit text, “I will feel validated that you had enough deference for whatever we had (even if it was just one night) to know that it needed to be ended in a mature and thoughtful manner.” As someone who has been in the position of both the fader and the faded, I respectfully disagree.First Issue – The Fade – Obviously, the woman from this letter wasn’t interested. Whatever the case, you’re actually doing all the people they date in the future a service by replying and saying thanks but no thanks.The guy made a few attempts to follow up and get a response. It should also be noted that there are plenty of people who intentionally don’t reply strictly because they get off on making people suffer and squirm.
It’s not kind to string people along after you’ve made up your mind, and it’s rude to ditch on concrete plans. (It’s worth noting that the quick dissolve is not simply a convenience of the digital age—it also works at parties.) For all the ambiguity attributed to the fade/dissolve, no digitally literate dater is legitimately confused by an unanswered text. That’s why, she says, the fade is “also known as: ‘Bitch get a clue, it’s not happening.’ ” The idea that a direct message is necessary to cement a relationship’s end is yet another obfuscation. Yes, I fully support the fade-out—in any non-serious dating situation. I think when it’s pretty clear the feelings aren’t there and there are no obligations, the fade-out is the BEST way out. First consideration: does this person have any obligations to you? For me, it’s if you’ve been dating “seriously” (whatever you mean by that) for over a couple of months. As my very wise friend Peter says, “Your true love won’t reject you.” This I believe. So in that instance, ladies and gentlemen, not fading-out was a jerk move. Ok, but what happens when you really like someone who is fading you out? Well, you hunt her down and pelt her with frozen marshmallows. This person is not a kind jerk but a jerk-jerk of the worst kind. You’ve got yourself a coward that you can kiss goodbye. The relationship ends, though there's most often no formal explanation from the "ghoster." It's a relationship exit strategy that mirrors the rise of commitment-free modes of communication such as texting, email, Facebook, and even apps like Snap Chat. Related: To name a few: There was the law student who "needed time to study" and then, post-graduation, still couldn't find the time for me; the hotshot architect who mysteriously stopped existing on weekends; the hardcore band-frontman-turned-high school principal who went on a business trip to Mexico and, for all I know, just never came back; the jazz-educated med school student who was "just really bad at texting—my friends all bug me about it;" and the young English bartender who canceled our plans for a harbor cruise the morning of (I'd bought the tickets, BTW). S.: You all suck.)Somehow, though, it had never occurred to me that women could be the ghosters.The ghoster can keep in contact just enough to make it look like nothing's wrong, while never actually having to talk to or confront the other person. Even my guy friend, the victim of a lady ghost, was confused.
So, by now, I’m sure you heard about The Break-Up Email Read ‘Round The World.